


one last kiss on your pillow

by gingerblossom



Series: long nights-daydreams. [2]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Choi Yeonjun Is Bad At Feelings, M/M, Whipped Choi Soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:40:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerblossom/pseuds/gingerblossom
Summary: Yeonjun often wondered where they got it wrong, as if he wasn’t the one who was making it complicated. He knew he got all the answers right, Soobin was just naively waiting for a sign from him – something Yeonjun couldn’t seem to be able to give him. Yet Soobin never stopped giving him the sweetest smile, the most tender love.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: long nights-daydreams. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740955
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	one last kiss on your pillow

**Author's Note:**

> hello cuties! ♡
> 
> i've bet you didn't see this coming hhhh at first, when i wrote lighters and candies i didn't expect it to be liked by so many people and for it i'm really grateful ;;___;; ♡ i appreaciated every kudos, comments or people who slided in my dms to thank me. you're all in my heart i swear! ♡♡ that's why i decided to wrote the "second" part of this, it may not be the happy ending everyone craved for but i like angst so gkhkh  
> this time the song that inspired the story (and which the title came from) is "lost boy", i recommend you to listen to it while reading this ♡
> 
> have a nice day and read cuties ♡

* * *

Yeonjun knew he was just messing around with someone’s else life. Not just a stranger's life but someone he cared for, his own best friend. He knew he held the fault in all of this, in the moment he decided to stay.

The wrong choice and a couple of extra beers leaded them in; when his car was already parked in front of Soobin's house Yeonjun knew it was too late. Even though, there was no regret in his steps as they tiptoed inside quietly, careful to not wake the latter's parents.  
Hand in hand, hearts beating at the same frequency. Yeonjun didn’t feel a coward when he looked at the way Soobin smiled in the dark, tightening the grip between their fingers.  
Being around Soobin was extremely easy, something like the older felt he was designed for. There was something magical in the way they filled each other, how their edges smudged together once the other embraced them.

The opposites of the same medal, they needed each other to keep the balance. Yeonjun and Soobin couldn’t be separated for their own wellness, but that became their weakness too.

Yeonjun often wondered where they got it wrong, as if he wasn’t the one who was making it complicated. He knew he got all the answers right, Soobin was just naively waiting for a sign from him – something Yeonjun couldn’t seem to be able to give him. Yet Soobin never stopped giving him the sweetest smile, the most tender love.

Feelings worked strangely for the blonde-haired guy, they burned inside his chest painfully keeping him awake at nights. Especially this one, with Soobin curled at his side. How funny was for two college guys try to fit inside the narrow mattress of the taller boy. Soobin was bigger than him, he was taller, and his body was broader, but when he fell asleep at his side, he always managed to look so small and harmless.  
  
His soft cheek was pressed all over Yeonjun's chest, at the end he always slept half on the bed and half laying over Yeonjun. He, of course, didn’t complain about it. Just by looking at Soobin, softly and soundly sleeping on him Yeonjun knew that it would be a scene that he would probably have cherished the most in his memory, but also the one he will hate the most. Inside his mind there were already plenty of this kind of moments, photography of a childhood spent together; their first meet, their first hug, every time they ended up in trouble, the summer afternoons spent studying… Soobin’s laugh, his pretty eye smile, his puffy cheeks, his soft lips – the taste of their first kiss.

(“Yeonjun, truth or dare?” Huening Kai asked, collecting the bottle that have spin towards his direction. It was just another stupid party spent in the usual stupid way, the loud music pumping through the stereo a couple of meters behind them forced the tiny group to squeeze tight on each other. “Tsk, real men only choose dare” Yeonjun was not afraid, this game was fresh water for someone like him.  
  
“Then I dare you to kiss Soobin!” Yeonjun crunched his nose, his gaze immediately fell on the boy, who was sitting at the other side of the circle. Some of their friends started to cheer for them, Huening Kai just wiggled his eyebrows and Beomgyu laughed almost hysterically.  
  
“You don’t have to, if you don’t want” Soobin panicked as soon as Yeonjun reached him; note to self: remember to kill his baby brother Kai later. The older just shook his head, the four tequila shots he gulped down ten minutes ago were useful making him not think about what he was about to do.  
  
Carefully, Yeonjun placed his hands over the latter’s soft cheeks “Just close your eyes, it will be over in a minute” As their lips were pressed together in a quick peck, neither of them imagined that what that kiss created that night would lead to something that would never reach an end. )

* * *

The truth behind it was that Yeonjun was afraid of many things. He knew himself damn well and he was well known for growing tired of things. Clothes, shoes, games, hobbies but also people and feelings. No one or nothing ever satisfied him enough to make him _stay_ , so he got used to _leave_. It became his bad habit, even worse than smoke.

He was sure about one thing, the day he discovered his feelings for Soobin was way worse than knowing his lungs will eventually die because of the cigarettes. But even though he knew Soobin reciprocated him, Yeonjun became afraid of losing him – he never grew tired of his company as friend, but he wouldn’t know what could happen if they let the feelings blossom.

Soobin was the only person he cared for; he was his little pretty flower but loving him was giving him more pain than joy. Soobin deserved to be loved, but not by him. So Yeonjun decided to _leave_.

2:55 AM, the clock on the bedside table blinked the hour in red drawings as Yeonjun carefully peeled the younger off his body. Even in the dark of the room it was easy for him looking for his cigarette inside the pocket of his leather jacket; white clouds of smoke were puffed out of the windows, the weather was pretty chilly but Yeonjun didn’t mind the cold, it eased his mind. He didn’t have much time left. As a blow of wind took away some ashes with it, a couple of strong arms sneaked around his waist making his back collide with a broad chest.  
  
“Why are you awake?” Rings of smoke floated in the air as the cigarette was set in between his chopped lips, Yeonjun didn’t bother to turn around as Soobin nuzzled his face on his bare neck.  
  
“I didn’t feel your warmth anymore”  
  
It hurt, the tiny bit of pain could be felt in the way Yeonjun's mouth curled in a sorrowful smile, the one who tasted like lies and excuses. The blonde wished he could say he wouldn’t go anywhere but they both knew the truth in it.  
  
“I'm _here_ ”  
  
Soobin's eyes sparkled like the end of his cigarette, the suffocating fire consuming them sent shiver down to Yeonjun's back as their gaze met. Unattainable beauty, that's what Soobin was.

A flower Yeonjun couldn’t bear to ruin, but at the same time, a treasure he couldn’t stop taking care of even if he were the rain who helped him grow. Their soul entangled way too deeper at some point, chaining them together. Nothing could ever change that.  
But somehow, Yeonjun ended up betray his own self. Thing slipped out of his hands before even realizing it. Like a beautiful unannounced disaster, a slow motion walzer of Soobin's hands.

One, in front of his mouth taking away his cigarette, throwing it out of the windows.  
Two, grabbing his chin to turn his complete attention to him, face to face.  
Three, cupping his cheeks, sealing their lips together in the most dangerous dance.

Yeonjun didn’t know when or where his little flower learned how to be so bold, maybe spending so much time with his own company lead him to it or maybe it was the beer they drunk earlier that night.

Lips touched each other in sloppy movements, the older tried hard to ignore how familiar and nice felt kissing Soobin. The care and the love he put in it made Yeonjun feel bad and good, deserving and undeserving.  
  
“Don't go, tonight”  
  
And he didn’t. _Just for tonight_ , Yeonjun thought. His hands came to push Soobin's chest, the younger’s one reached to drag him into the dark. Only for one night they allowed themselves to express their true feelings, without fearing them.

Soft lips trailing sensitive skins in silence, blossoming marks with invisible ink as substitutes of unspoken words. Every inch of them stuck with one another as if they were meant to be.

The sky was lilac blue when Yeonjun got up, now a little too sober to confront his mistakes; feelings building up like raging lava, the blonde bit his lips as he quietly collected his own belongings.  
Yeonjun and Soobin became each other weakness, an unavoidable crashing they couldn’t escape. The first light of the day lighted a bit the room as Yeonjun tied his boots, Soobin's bare back looked like a canvas while being kissed by the soft ray of the sun.

Yeonjun knew that it was wrong, his beautiful little flower that he grew with so much care – he didn’t want to share it with anyone, but he needed to. Building expectations and breaking promises, Yeonjun was a disaster that couldn’t be tamed, not even by the sweetest floral scent. Soobin needed care and love to grew even bigger, Yeonjun felt he was more like acid rain to him. He just didn’t want to kill him.  
05:13 AM, Yeonjun's fingers caressed the ruffled brown locks of the younger. Another bitter smile on his face, another night that needed to be forgotten. No promises, no words. Just how they usually went on. Loving each other in secret, hurting more than deserving.

  
Yeonjun left one last kiss over Soobin's lips, the younger still deep in his dreams to realize it. As he rolled to the other side of the bed, Yeonjun was already going out from the window. At the end, what was left behind were sweetly whispered words, a confession Soobin will never knew that happened, a secret locked between pillows and crumbled bed sheets.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, thank you for reading it until the end! don't be afraid to leave comments and kudos, i really treasure every single words from each of you. little comments made the day of a writer so don't be afraid ♡ 
> 
> also, i've made a new txt twt account just for my fellow moas mutuals!! i'll try to promote my works there too, so if you wanna be friends or mutual just hit me up, my @ is irishyuka ! ♡


End file.
